By Danii
Summary: Drunken
discussion of love-life problems from a variety of sources
Rating: R for language
Fandom: too
many to count
Note: enjoy!
NOT BETA READ!
"I hate books…"
"I hate scrolls…"
"Oh, shut up! Do you have any idea what a certain book has done to me? I mean, have you ever had to decapitate your girlfriend with a shovel?"
"Yeah, well…at least you got a girlfriend! All I got was my nose wrenched and a couple of whacks with the staff!"
"Whacking staffs?"
"No!"
"Oh shush! At least you had a love life! All I got was a frickin’ wolf! Who’s deaf for Christ’s sake!"
"Hey, aren’t you Canadian?"
"Yes! What the fuck is it to you?"
"But…isn’t that not allowed?"
"Shut up! You too, Dief. I mean, the one girlfriend I did have was a felon who got me shot!"
"Yeah, well…what about me!"
"What about you?"
"I have dated an incan mummy, a preying mantis lady, an ex-demoness, and a Cordelia!"
"A Cordelia?"
"She gets her own classification…"
"Oh."
"Yeah! All the while the girl I really love is screwing anything that moves…"
"Oh…"
"That sucks…"
"Yeah. Not even everything that breaths. One of them didn’t even have a heartbeat! What a necrophilial-"
"Oh shut up! Nothing wrong with not having a heartbeat!"
"Who says!"
"The 800 year old vampire…who can’t even kiss a woman without drying her…which sucks…"
"Yeah, kid…at least you get sex with that demon bitch…"
"She is a nympho…"
"Lucky bastard…I had three naked ones after me…but they had to go away…"
"Oh, shut up about the damned scroll…"
"No!"
"Anyway…so the girl I loves is willing to screw everyone but me! She even did a guy who looked just like me after two dates!"
"Damn."
"That’s just wrong…"
"Well, at least she didn’t get you shot."
"But she did get me possessed by a soldier and a hyena, not to mention a bad case of syphilis…"
::chairs scuffling::
"Which I don’t have anymore, thank you. It was due to a spirit…"
"I say you hold her at gun point…"
"Hypnotize her…"
"Try finding a magic scroll…or ask Aphrodite…"
"Don’t try being really polite…it doesn’t work. You just get your partner’s sister…who is a psycho…"
"Shut up!"
"And don’t become a werewolf!"
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"You don’t think I have the right to a beer and a little comfort here?"
"Yeah, I guess so…"
"I mean, dumped for a girl…"
"Ouch."
"Damn, kid…"
"Oh dear…"
"Fuck!"
"Thank you very much…"
"So…"
"So…what?"
"So what are we going to do about this!?"
::pause::
"I’ll buy the next round…the DeBrabant Foundation can take it…"
"I got the next one…got my S-mart Christmas bonus…"
"Just got a raise at the construction yard…I call next round…"
"Which leaves us swimming in alcohol…"
"Exactly…"
"Well, that works for me…"
"Same here."
"I’m good."
"Fuck I need another drink…Dief, be a good wolf and bring the bottle over here?"
"The mountie is freaking me out…"
"He has to curse somewhere…all that pent up…whatever…"
"Ah."
"So, what’ll you have…"
"The one in the little blue bottle…"